On the 1! So not J. LO

high st brooklyn bridge signage mounted on blue steel post
Photo by Fancycrave.com on Pexels.com

Jennifer Lopez titled her album On the 6. She would ride the 6 train from the Bronx into the city (if not from NYC, the city is what everyone calls Manhattan). Well, I live in the city and the train that I use to ride to go everywhere was the 1 train.

At fourteen, I rode it uptown to Washington Heights to see my friends. At sixteen, I rode to 137 street to see my boyfriend. In winter, my boyfriend and I would ride the length of it from South Ferry to Van Cortlandt Park. We would ride for hours, talking and sharing secrets and deepest thoughts while I did homework or most times not.

That was all the past. When I was a different person, one I remember with both laughter, fondness, groans, and embarrassment.

Now, the person I am is a person who cannot even walk past the entrance of a train station without having a panic attack. I cannot ride the trains. I freak out. I’ve come close to blacking out. Hell, I cannot even think or talk about the trains with anxiety.

The logical side of me knows that my irrational fear is stupid. That I have nothing to fear. That I had done it hundreds, thousands of times.

My emotional side laughs in my face and I panic. My life is very different. My anxiety changed how I live my life. I do not meet up with long distant friends or attend my Romance Writers of America local chapter. I don’t take part in functions that I would have been the first to show up.

I am a person that now has to figure that I go somewhere I have to see if I have a ride back or money for a taxi. My life exists just where my feet can take me. I have sought help for it, taking prescribed medication and do therapy.

One day, maybe, I might be on the 1.

Or most likely not.

 

Advertisements

All You Ever Wanted To Know Is In A Book

This is a top ten list of the writing books that I believe are invaluable.

1.  Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain

2.  Creating Character’s Emotions by Ann Hood

3.  The Joy of Writing Sex: A Guide for Fiction Writers by Elizabeth Benedict

4.  GMC by Debra Dixon

5. Roget’s International Thesaurus

6. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD

7.  The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD

8.  You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

9.  Manuscript Makeover by Elizabeth Lyon

10.  Self-Editing for Fiction Writer by Browne & King